Emotional
Memory
By Bree Heidenburg
“I DON’T KNOW!” The young woman, Lily, said heatedly, for yelling at a member of the church was simply unheard of. Lilindra, Lily, yelled more often than most people, but in this case even she knew better. She was more emotional than most of her peers, and everyone knew it. Typical height and somewhat heavier than average she had a natural demanding, but productive appearance, quite attractive to the society of Tiesha, which, above all, values productivity.
“Child, please calm down. I have only asked what is troubling you,” responded the priestess, Rei, who sat genuinely concerned, in the chair across from Lily. As was typical of the church, Rei was dressed in a pure white hooded robe with a colored sash around her waist. Rei’s was light blue, noting her rank second only to the high priestess.
Lily sighed to herself. She was twenty-three years old, hardly a child, though, legally, she would be a child for another two years. Despite the fact that the priestess sat at her level and was not condescending at all, the room itself was exactly as it was the last time she was here, when she had been a child in need of counsel for schooling. Refraining from rolling her eyes at all the database cards full of schooling and job information she turned back to Priestess Rei. “What’s troubling me is that I don’t know what I want to do.”
“Have you completed general schooling?”
“Yes, and on recommendation of my father and of the High Priestess Talea I am studying mechanical engineering, currently in my fifth year.”
“A worthy field of studying. Are you feeling that it is too hard?”
“No.” Lily was already getting tired of this conversation. She knew what would be asked and had answers nearly programmed into her head. The church would be of no help to her, and she mentally kicked herself for wasting time on such an unproductive thing.
“Do you feel your potential would be better suited elsewhere?”
“According to my professors I am doing exceptionally well.”
“Then, what is troubling you?”
“I don’t like engineering! I don’t like school!” She raised her voice at that point, but quickly lowered it.
“It is unheard of for someone as intelligent as you are to not complete schooling.” Rei, who was realizing quickly that Lily had no emotional constraints, was starting to sound a little condescending.
There was silence for a moment as Lily thought carefully over her next statement. She knew better than to say such things, and that they were frowned upon, but she was tired of holding back and needed someone’s opinion. “I want to raise children.”
“You could, surely, when you are older.”
Another pause as Lily was given a second chance to hold her tongue; Lily being Lily, however, spoke anyway, “I don’t want to be an engineer. I want to be a mother. Just a mother.”
“Child…” Rei was speechless. Lily was essentially denouncing the belief of the church in say these things and in all Rei’s time advising people never had she heard such statements.
“I know! It is far below my intended potential to do such a thing. But what about what I want to do?” Lily was now incredibly tired of this conversation, knowing full well that to make a priestess so speechless was nearly impossible and surely the church would take some action to reform her.
“You have rejected emotional constraints.”
“My mother believed that emotions are necessary to drive you to your intended potential.”
“Not an uncommon belief, but in your case… clearly it is hindering your ability for rational thought.”
Now, Lily had had it with this conversation, she stood instantly, mutter a quick word of thanks, bowed slightly and exited the door, nearly slamming it shut.
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"Talea, do you remember a child... one Lilindra Ramis?" Rei was careful to be polite. She had, after all, requested a somewhat emergency meeting with the High Priestess, Talea, who was, of course, a busy woman.
Talea turned to look at Rei for a moment. They could have been sisters, the two of them. Talea's hair was darker and Rei had recently cut hers short but aside from that they looked essentially the same. The matching robes didn't help matters. "I do not recall. - One moment." With that, she walked over to the desk in the room and placed her hands on the orb in the center. It scanned her handprints and upon authorization a screen appeared in front her. A few small movements of her hand and Lily's picture and record are displayed on the wall to Talea's left. She walks over to it. "An impressive record."
"Yes, but she concerns me," Rei said, the nervousness in her voice almost as clearly as the words she was speaking. Rei had never brought up such an issue... she'd never even seen such an issue herself.
"How so?" Talea tried to be comforting but probably sounded as overworked as she felt. It was her job to listen to people, to courts, and to the church. She was, however, getting tired of the neediness of the other members of the church.
"She has rejected emotional constraints and desires to raise children." Rei was putting it nicely to the point where it sounded trivial. She knew that.
"Tiesha could use more genes like hers. I do not see the problem."
"She does not wish to complete schooling or become an engineer," Rei blurted it out before having time to sugarcoat it further.
"She denounces the church?" Talea finally looked away from Lily's record and turned to Rei.
"No, she sought my guidance but firmly retains that she wants to be solely a mother. I suggested, in her case, emotional constraints, but she left immediately."
"Does she intend to quit schooling?"
"It seemed that way to me, but she did not say she was going to." Rei bit her tongue at the look from Talea. She knew better than to say such things.
"Do not rely on intuition Rei, especially on those people who refused emotional constraints. You know better."
"Forgive me. I will look into the matter further. Please accept my gratitude for the audience, High Priestess" Rei bowed, respectfully, to Talea.
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"That was a terrible waste of time," Lily thought to herself as she walked down the street towards her quarters. She was in a society that desired productivity, and she could give it to them. But at the sacrifice of what she wanted to do? This engineer didn't know about that. At the moment, she was recalling a need for bread. The store, she noticed as she walked in, was as industrial as ever. She picked up a loaf of bread and placed it on the counter, along with the palm of her hand. Both items were scanned, then a virtual screen popped up and displayed the charge to Lily's account. Cheap, as was all food produced by technology without the need for skilled human workers.
Upon returning to her room and setting down the loaf of bread on the table, Lily looked around. "I certainly don't live like a mother do I?" The room, to Lily and probably most citizens of Tiesha, screamed engineer. Cluttered, but not messy or disorganized. Lilindra had never lost anything unless a peer had moved it without her permission. It was certainly clutter, but it was her clutter and she knew were everything was. Pieces of ships, computers, cars, ongoing projects etc. were everywhere in this room. Logically, so that everything was easily accessible. Lily jumped as there was ring for the door. She called up the view screen and let in her friend. "I think I'm getting paranoid. You scared me. Please come in." She gestured.
"Paranoid? You?" he laughed. Edrin Tarnick had had a crush on Lily since they started specialized schooling together. She was smarter than him, he had to admit, but that was what attracted him to her. He was taller and thinner than Lily. That, and course his dark hair, is what Lily liked about him. From Tiesha's standpoint they would have made an excellent couple. Edrin knew that. Lily pretended she didn't.
"Have you ever wondered why the church rules this and two of Tiesha's other continents?"
"The King decreed it. Too much engineering making you forget your history?"
Lily laughed; it was hopeless to try to explain this to him without essentially degrading herself. "I guess so."
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That night, after Edrin had left, Lily sat down at her computer and started calling up anything she could find about quitting schooling. Was she really going to do it? Even she didn't know that. She would, after all, need a husband and quitting schooling would make her very undesirable. She realized that and almost as quickly as it was called up to her screen, it was closed. Lilindra went to bed.
Rei gasped as she looked at her computer, it had only been for a second, but she was sure Lily had been looking at quitting school. Computer systems had been Rei'sTalea. She knew that, and she had the sash to prove it. field of study in specialized schooling prior to joining the church. She was late starting with the church but because of her schooling she was probably the most useful Priestess, aside from
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Lily stared at the notice on her screen. "The High Priestess Talea requests your presence..." Almost instantly Lily pulled her hands away from the computer. She wasn't paranoid. The church was going to try something. But what power did she have against it? "What power does anyone have against the church? Even the King..." her thoughts were racing. Suddenly, she knew the one weapon she would have. She got to work, frantically disorganizing her organized mess.
That night, at the appointed time, Lily waited once more in the childish room. This time, she would not yell and would do well to hold her tongue. Of course, she didn't get the chance to do either, and she knew she wouldn't. She had no personal force field on her, she had no reason to even own one. The church knew that.
Rei walked over to Lily and lowered her weapon. It was only set to knock her out but she checked to make sure Lily was still alive. She went to the computer and called in the High Priestess. "She is ready for emotional constraints."
"Is this of her will? Or yours?" Talea looked at the child on the floor. She had had to forcibly instill emotional constraints before, but wanted to avoid it at all costs.
"Mine." Rei, with much more confidence than at their last meeting, displayed her findings from last night on the wall. "She fully intends to quit schooling."
"Very well."
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"Hey! Lily! Where have you been? I was just looking for you." Edrin came up from behind her.
"Hello, Edrin. I was at the church. I must return home." She walked off, leaving Edrin in shock. Those were emotional constraints if he'd ever noticed them before.
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Lily watched herself on a projector she had made earlier. She remembered making it.
"Lily, if you are watching this, then, you remember... and don't at the same time. The church has probably forced emotional constraints on you... this is not what you wanted. Please try to remember. Remember Edrin, remember wanting to have children. Even if you can't feel it anymore, please remember! The church can't take that from you. You have to go to Maharat and talk to the King. The church is highly corrupt if they can do such a thing to you without permission and--"
Lily
flipped it off, she had heard enough of her own
babbling.