Check out my book,
At the Feet of Ordinary Women,
to learn more about how faith has impacted my life.

"What Faith Can Do" song by Kutless

My Faith Journey

As long as I can remember, my faith has been important to me. My deep desire as a child (and even today) was to go to heaven when I died. Growing up Catholic, I did everything I was told to do so that would happen. I prayed countless rosaries, set up an altar in my bedroom during the month of May (which is the month of Mary) and prayed to Mary, and kept track of the sins I committed so I could accurately confess them to a priest during confession. Yes, I was determined to do everything the priests and nuns told me to do so I could go to heaven; but the problem was, I was never sure if it was “enough.”

During my teenage years, I began to sense a gnawing emptiness inside of me. Questions began circling through my head - “Why I am here?” “What is the purpose of my life?” “Is this all there is to life?” I began to use alcohol and drugs to numb the inner pain I was feeling. But even when I was high, I couldn’t escape those questions in my mind. If I stopped long enough, I could almost hear the emptiness inside me screaming, “What is this life all about?”

New Years Eve 1975. I remember it clearly. I sat alone in someone’s house watching Guy Lombardo New Year’s Eve show and waiting for the “big ball” to drop at midnight. At 18 years old, this was the lowest I had ever felt in my life. I wasn’t sure if it was worth it to go on. I felt hopeless, and for the first time, I thought about suicide.

The next day a friend, Jeanine, asked me to go with her to her church youth group. Jeanine was one of those “Jesus freaks” from school. She had been a good friend in grade school but in high school, we had drifted apart – mostly because she had become “religious.” Jeanine had asked me in the past to go with her to her youth group, but I always declined. But this time was different; when she asked, something inside me said I should go. So I said yes.

That evening at youth group, I sat and listened to the other teens. I was mesmerized by not only what they were talking about, but by "something" they had that I did not have. I listened intently, trying to put my finger on what that “something” was. I sensed a calmness about them - an inner peace. This was something I definitely could not relate to. I kept hearing the words "relationship with Christ,” along with verses they quoted from the Bible. This was all new to me.

On the way home from youth group, I kept asking Jeanine question after question, trying to understand what this "something' was. Jeanine explained that the "something" had to do with a "personal relationship with Jesus." I was "all ears."

Jeanine said that the "something" I sensed was the inner peace that they all felt because they had each asked Jesus into their lives as their personal Savior. When that happens, you also receive the gift of eternal life – spending eternity with God in heaven. I could not believe what I was hearing! You mean I can know for sure that I will spend eternity in heaven??? That was one of the questions that had always haunted me - how would I know if I did enough to get in heaven? Now Jeanine was telling me I could know!

Jeanine had me read 1 John 5:11-12 in the Bible. She explained God's promise in these verses is we can be assured of heaven if we have Christ in our lives. I was amazed! Wow, to know for sure that I will spend eternity in heaven with God! I was ecstatic that I could know this!

Using the Bible, Jeanine went on to explain God’s plan for my life. John 3:16 says because of God’s great love for me, He sent His Son, Jesus, to die on the cross for my sins. I read Romans 3:23 in the Bible that day and suddenly realized this verse was talking about me – “For all (including Pam) have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” My sin had separated me from God. But God didn’t leave it like this – man on one side of the chasm and God on the other side. 1 Peter 3:18 says that Christ died for sins once for all in order to bring us to God. Jesus’ death on the cross bridged the gap that sin had caused. The verses made it clear - that when I believe that Christ died on the cross for my sins and receive Him into my life as my personal Savior, I become a child of God (John 1:12.)

Revelation 3:20 speaks of Jesus standing at the door and knocking. At that moment, I felt Jesus knocking at the door of my heart, asking if He could come into my life and begin a personal relationship with me. I knew this was what I was searching for. I prayed at that moment and asked Jesus to come into my life and make me the person He had created me to be (Philippians 1:6.) I thanked Jesus in prayer for also giving me the free gift of eternal life (Romans 6:23.)

My life changed dramatically after that prayer. I no longer sensed a void in my life; my life now had meaning – to grow in my relationship with Christ and tell others about Him. Drugs and alcohol were no longer appealing to me; I didn’t need to numb any emptiness anymore. Not only were there outside changes in my life but also inner ones too. I always “liked” people but now I really “loved” people. My compassion for others grew strong and soon I was reaching out to serve people in whatever they needed.

I remember sitting at a Friendly Ice Cream store with Jeanine and another friend and exclaiming loudly, “It all makes sense now! I know why I am here on this earth!” My life finally had meaning, direction, inner peace and love. I identified with Paul in the Bible when he stated in 2 Corinthians 5:17 that he was a new creation in Christ; the old had gone and the new had come. It was the new Pam!

That was 34 years ago, and I am still in awe of God’s hand in my life. Throughout the years, God has worked in my life to help me become more like Him. Nowadays when I speak of how I was back in high school before I asked Jesus into my life, most people are surprised because I am nothing like that now - aimless, selfish, and trying to fill the void in my life with alcohol and drugs. I give all the credit (glory) to God, as it shows His working in my life. I am still a "work in progress" and will continue to be, until I see Jesus face to face one day in heaven. Now life has meaning and purpose, and I am thankful that no matter what my circumstance may be, God fills me with His peace, security and love. I wouldn’t live any other way.